


There's a Scratch on your Shoulder

by cipherine



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Self-Harm, everything I touch turns into noncon and idk if it's a curse or a blessing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:47:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22395010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cipherine/pseuds/cipherine
Summary: He was scared of facing Raihan.But he reminded himself that his boyfriend had been drunk and maybe not fully aware of what he was doing.Or so he tried to tell himself.
Relationships: Kibana | Raihan/Nezu | Piers
Comments: 25
Kudos: 133





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

  
  
It started with small things.  
  
The first month of their relationship was amazing. Piers hadn’t been that happy in years. He was head over heels for Raihan. He loved everything about him — His confidence, his cheeky smile, his genuine interest in Piers’ music that none of his former partners had shown. And, most of all, he loved that Raihan gave him time.  
  
Piers didn’t exactly have a very high sex drive, and he especially couldn’t have sex with anyone he didn’t know very well yet. When Raihan and him started dating, he hesitated, but then told Raihan about it.  
  
But Raihan had just smiled and promised that he would wait until Piers would be comfortable with it.  
„I love you, and there’s more to a relationship than sex anyways,“ He’d said.

Two months later however, Raihan started to make advances anyways, despite his promise.  
  
And Piers, feeling bad about it because he felt like he wasn’t giving Raihan what he needed in a relationship, gave in.  
  
It wasn’t like it was horrible. No, actually, it wasn’t so bad at all. Raihan really knew what he was doing in bed. He obviously had a lot of experience, unlike Piers. He loved Raihan. He really did. So he had no reason to say no, right?  
  
For a while, everything seemed nearly perfect.  
  
But with every week that passed, Raihan got more… experimental in bed, and Piers was simply too shy about a lot of kinky things his boyfriend wanted to try. He felt uncomfortable, but he put up with it.  
  
About five months into their relationship, Raihan suddenly started to criticize the way Piers dressed, especially at concerts.  
„Babe, please. With that crop top, the collar, and all these chains… You just look like a whore to everyone. Save the collar for when we’re alone,“ Raihan had said.  
  
And Piers had been so stupid, such a fucking lovestruck fool, that he simply laughed about it and then actually changed into a less revealing outfit. He didn’t even give it a second thought. Didn’t think about why Raihan would say something like that.  
  
And why he said it again, and again, and again, until he completely policed the way Piers dressed.  
Piers was able to keep his concert outfits a bit more punk-ish at least, but also less revealing. He didn’t think about why he was doing what Raihan told him. He loved him. And Raihan was probably just worried about his safety or something.  
  
It wasn’t until the seventh month that things started to go horribly wrong.  
  
They had been invited to a birthday party, but Piers had a concert that day, so he couldn’t go. Didn’t really want to go anyways, so the excuse was welcome, even though Raihan was noticeably annoyed by it.  
  
„Fine,“ Raihan said, shrugging, „Don’t expect me back home anytime soon, alright? It’s gonna be late.“  
  
„I don’t see a problem, you’ve got your own key,“ Piers answered, „Concert today goes until 11 pm. I’ll be home shortly after.“  
  
Raihan kissed him goodbye and left.  
  
Piers had another hour to get ready until the soundcheck, so he went to his room and opened the closet, trying to decide what to wear for today’s concert. With Raihan not being there for once, it was very tempting to bring back one of his older, more revealing outfits. He hesitated. Raihan wouldn’t like it. But then again, Raihan wasn’t here. He wouldn’t know.

  
He smiled as he picked out a short black top that barely covered anything with silver buckles on the straps and his favorite pair of tight black studded leather pants. A collar to that, and maybe he’d leave his hair open today… Yeah, perfect. A quick look in the mirror, and he decided to add a belt to that, one with a silver skull in the middle.

He kind of wanted to take a selfie, but Raihan took his phone sometimes, so maybe not.

His apartment wasn’t far from the Spikemuth Gym, and that’s where all of his concerts usually took place. The soundcheck went well. Piers was really fired up that day, and his voice was in good shape. He was absolutely ready to rock it.  
  
Most of his fans were from Spikemuth. Which was not a surprise, considering that Piers rarely advertised himself outside this town. He didn’t like too much attention. Things were fine the way they are. All the people of Spikemuth loved him — and Raihan loved him too. He didn’t need any more than that.  
  
The concert went over way too fast. Piers was in top form, and his fans too. The cheering didn’t die down for a long time and he actually gave two encores rather than the usual single one.  
  
When he got back home, he was absolutely beat, but felt really good about it. He considered waiting for Raihan, but he was really, really tired, and who knew when his boyfriend would show up. So he changed into just boxers, turned on the TV and eventually fell asleep on the couch.  
  
Around 3 am, a loud crashing noise instantly woke him up. Well, that had most certainly been the door. He drowsily sat upright, rubbing over his eyes a little. He’d forgotten to turn the lights and the TV off.  
  
„Rai?“ He asked, but got no answer.  
  
But he could hear Raihan. He was at the entrance still, hanging up his sweater and taking off his shoes.  
  
When Raihan entered the living room, Piers immediately noticed his angry expression.  
„Hey. Did something happen?“ He asked. He couldn’t help but yawn for a moment.  
  
Raihan still didn’t say anything. But he came closer, then pushed Piers down on the couch and kissed him. Piers was surprised, but he didn’t question it, just kissed back like he always would. With their tongues touching, he could taste the alcohol on Raihan.  
  
Raihan broke away, panting, and still looked kind of angry.  
  
„Are you drunk? You should go to sleep then, maybe,“ Piers said softly, „You don’t look too well.“  
  
„You little whore.“  
  
Piers’ eyes widened.  
„What…?“  
  
„You little _whore!_ “ Raihan repeated, „Who’d you dress up for like that, hm? Did you have a— a good fuck while I wasn’t around?“  
  
Piers flinched, staring at Raihan in disbelief.  
„Rai, I would never—“  
  
„Shut up!“  
  
  
And that was the moment Piers should have ended it.  
Because Raihan slapped him, right across the face.

„W— what the— Raihan…?“ He asked, suddenly scared. The slap had been hard enough to leave his cheek with a heavy burning sensation. He tried to gently push Raihan away, but his boyfriend just shoved him right back onto the couch, restraining his hands above his head.

„You’re _mine_ ,“ Raihan hissed, „You— you get that? Do you?“

„Y—yes,“ Piers stuttered, „Please get off me, you’re drunk…!“

But Raihan just kissed him again. Piers was very, very uncomfortable, but he gave in. He flinched when Raihan shoved a knee between his legs.  
  
_I don’t want this.  
Not like this…!_  
  
Piers ignored the little voice in the back of his head. How did Raihan even know? Did someone tell him? Did someone post a photo from the concert and Raihan saw it? 

„Raihan…“ Piers breathed out when his boyfriend bit down on his neck, „Please, please stop…“  
He didn’t dare to struggle, because he was afraid that he might get slapped like that again. 

  
„Suck me off,“ Raihan suddenly said.  
  
Piers swallowed hard, shivering a little.  
„Rai, I— I don’t want to have sex right now, please, I—“  
  
„Right,“ Raihan hissed, then grabbed a fistful of Piers’ hair, yanking on it, „Because you already had your fill for today, right? _Silly me_.“

  
„No! I didn’t— Ow, fuck, that hurts!“ Piers yelled at him, finally starting to struggle against him a little. He was seriously scared. He’d never been this aware of how fucking _weak_ he was compared to his boyfriend. Raihan wasn’t just taller, he was way more muscular and had a lot of strength.  
  
„Then do as I fucking say,“ Raihan growled.  
  
Piers flinched.  
„Okay, okay…! Please— Please just stop,“ He begged.  
  
Raihan let go of him, and Piers slowly sat upright and started to undo Raihan’s belt with shaky hands. Everything inside him screamed to just not do it, but he was too afraid of the consequences. It would be okay— Eventually— Raihan was just drunk, right? They would talk about this in the morning. For now, he just needed to make sure Raihan would calm down and leave him alone.  
  
Raihan pulled his pants and boxers down just enough to reveal his dick. He didn’t say another word. Piers swallowed hard before leading down and hesitantly starting to lick him. It was usually one of the things he enjoyed doing — He liked pleasing his boyfriend more than he liked getting touched himself. But right now, he just didn’t want any of it.  
  
_Get it over with._  
  
Raihan grabbed him by his hair again, keeping him in place. And suddenly he pushed into his mouth. A little too deep. Piers’ nearly gagged. He tried hard to hold back some tears. Raihan moaned and rocked his hips forward, fucking his boyfriend’s mouth.

Piers desperately tried to hold still. Raihan had never done this before. He’d always let Piers direct the way he wanted to suck him off. But now he was roughly fucking his mouth, and Piers hated it.  
  
„Mmmh… Ah, Fuck, yeah, that’s it babe,“ Raihan moaned loudly, not slowing down at all.

Piers made a whining noise, still trying to hold still and not to choke.  
  
It felt like forever until Raihan finally came in his mouth. Reluctantly, Piers swallowed it all. He coughed heavily for a few seconds when Raihan pulled out.  
  
There was an awkward silence between them.  
  
Raihan pulled his boxers and pants back up.  
„I’m going to sleep,“ he said, his voice low and still full of anger, „Don’t— don’t follow.“

With that, he broke away from Piers and left for his boyfriend’s bedroom. Piers stared after him. He didn’t exactly feel like joining him in bed anyways, not after this. He was tense, still shaking a little. And he could _still_ feel his cheek hurt a little from the slap.  
  
He curled up on the couch, pulling a blanket over himself.  
  
And cried himself to sleep.

* * *

Piers woke up early, around 8 am.  
  
He knew that Raihan would still be asleep at this time, so he tried to sleep again as well. But he couldn’t. He was scared of facing Raihan. But he reminded himself that his boyfriend had been drunk and maybe not fully aware of what he was doing. Or so he tried to tell himself.  
  
He kept checking his phone for no reason other than to kill time.  
Turned on the TV again after a while, not really watching but enjoying the background noise.  
  
Until it was nearly noon. He decided to get it together and go check on Raihan. 

He opened the door to the bedroom.  
„R-Rai?“ He carefully asked into the darkness of the room. Raihan had closed the shutters. Piers was more than a little intimidated, but he took a deep breath, then moved closer to the bed where Raihan was lying. Shaking him a little.  
  
Raihan flinched.  
  
Piers blinked.  
Was he awake?  
  
„Piers…“ Raihan breathed out. He didn’t look at him.  
  
„Yes?“ Piers asked quietly.  
  
„I’m sorry,“ Raihan said, „I’m so fucking sorry. I hurt you, didn’t I? I…“  
  
Piers was taken aback. He kind of… hadn’t expected this.  
„I— Y-you kind of did, but… you were drunk, I… I kinda get it, it did look like…“  
  
„Someone sent me a photo of you from the concert. I— I got angry, I— I thought… But you didn’t, did you? You wouldn’t—“  
  
„Of course not!“ Piers said, „I’d never cheat on you. I’m sorry, I know you don’t like these kind of outfits, I shouldn’t have…“  
  
Raihan looked at him, and Piers was shocked at how hurt his boyfriend looked.  
  
„No. I hurt you,“ Raihan said, „There’s no excuse for that. Can you forgive me, still?“

Piers should have said no.  
Piers should have left him.  
Piers should have seen the signs.  
  
But he didn’t.  
  
„Of course.“

* * *

But from that day on, Raihan became more and more controlling.  
  
He checked Piers phone nearly all the time.  
Piers had to get Raihan’s approval before he wanted to meet any friends without him.

And of course, Raihan still policed what kind of clothes Piers got to wear.  
  
„I’m just looking out for you, babe,“ He’d always say.  
  
Deep down, Piers knew that he needed to get away. But he ignored the feeling. He couldn’t leave Raihan. He loved Raihan, he loved him so much.

It only got worse.  
  
Raihan used to go out alone with his friends to drink, but now Piers always had to go with him, whether he wanted or not. Sometimes Piers faked a sickness in order to stay home. But it didn’t change the outcome.  
  
The outcome being that a drunk Raihan was an aggressive Raihan, and whether Piers came along or not, as soon as they were alone, things always went horribly wrong.  
  
„You stupid fucking slut,“ Raihan growled, „What, you’re thirsty for Leon now? Please. As if he’d do as much as look at someone like you.“  
  
Piers was quiet. He wanted to try and not provoke Raihan any further. He’d somehow spent most of the evening talking to Leon rather than to Raihan or anyone else, but they really had only been talking about Pokemon battles and strategies. He’d never really gotten to talk to the champ before, and it had been nice, but…

„Fucking _look at me!_ “ Raihan yelled, and Piers flinched.  
  
„I… I want to go to sleep,“ Piers said quietly, his voice shaking a little, „Please.“

  
„Fucking— Listen here!“  
Piers instinctively took a step back, but it didn’t stop Raihan from grabbing him by his neck and shoving him against the door to the bedroom.  
  
Piers inhaled sharply.  
_Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry…!_  
  
„Why is it that you wanna fuck other guys so badly but act like sex with me is the worst?! I’ve had it with your low sex-drive bullshit,“ Raihan hissed.  
  
  
„I don’t— I don’t wanna fuck anyone else! Please— calm down—!“ Piers choked out.   
  


„I was always fucking _gentle_ with you. I did everything you asked. But you don’t even really _want_ that, do you?“ Raihan asked.  
  
Piers‘ eyes widened.

Before he could answer anything, Raihan was kissing him, wild and passionately. Piers shivered. He didn’t like where this was going, at all. Raihan’s hand was still at his throat. He was scared. He knew Raihan would hurt him if he were to struggle, so he didn’t.  
  
When Raihan broke the kiss, Piers tried to beg.  
„Please… I don’t want to have sex with you like this, please, stop…!“  
  
But it just made Raihan angrier.  
Raihan cursed under his breath, then proceeded to drag Piers to the bedroom by his hair. Piers nearly screamed. He kind of wished someone would hear it. Wished that someone would save him.  
  
Raihan nearly ripped the clothes off of him.  
Piers let it happen, knowing that Raihan would likely hit him if he were to say no.  
  
Raihan kissed him, touched him, but it was rough, and Piers didn’t like any of it. Still, his body reacted, and he got hard in no time. He hated it, so much. He hated nothing more than this feeling of his own body betraying him like that.  
  
Everything happened too fast, and before Piers could realize it, Raihan’s cock was pushing against his asshole. Piers snapped out of his submissive state within the blink of an eye.  
  
„No! Fuck, _stop_ — Use the fucking lube! _Raihan!!_ “ He yelled at him, starting to struggle. Raihan had not only not prepared him, but had also only covered his dick with his own saliva. Piers’ eyes were wide with fear. „Don’t—!“

  
But Raihan held him down. Restrained him. Pushed in.  
Piers screamed.  
„No! Please, stop! It hurts— You’re hurting me! Raihan, _you’re hurting me!_ “

Crying bitter tears, he gave up on fighting back. He was pretty sure that he was bleeding from how roughly Raihan was fucking him. He kept crying out and begging for him to stop, but Raihan ignored it all.  
  
And that should have been the final straw.  
  
But it wasn’t.  
  


* * *

Months later, many friends of Piers started to worry about him.  
  
He rarely left his apartment anymore. He always wore turtleneck sweaters with long sleeves as well as long pants whenever he did. He’d cancelled concerts, saying that he didn’t feel well.  
  
What they didn’t know was that Raihan was literally locking him in his own apartment most of the time.  
  
He’d tried to bring it up.  
He’d really tried.  
  
But as soon as he’d even mentioned something close to ‚breaking up‘ to Raihan, Raihan hurt him again. Yelled at him. Punched him even — And apologized after, like he always would. Told him that he loved him. That he didn’t mean to hurt him.  
  
_„But you don’t give me a choice, babe,“_ He’d said.  
  
One time, Piers had been brave enough to yell back at him, and to threaten to call the police.  
  
And Raihan had fucking laughed.  
_„You think they would believe you over me?“_  
  
Piers didn’t know what to do anymore. It was a circle he couldn’t get out of. Raihan was still checking his phone all the time, often taking it away from him even. He didn’t know who to ask for help.

He’d been in his apartment all day again, locked in, fearing the very minute Raihan would come home. Curled up on the couch like many months before, when Raihan had… raped him for the first time.  
  
_Rape._  
He’d refused to even think of it as… _that_ , for a long time. But it’s become clear to him that he’d been a fucking idiot, and that rape was exactly what Raihan was doing to him. That, and the other physical abuse.  
  
He’d been wearing turtlenecks because his entire body was covered in bruises and hickeys.  
  
  
He flinched when he heard the door unlock.  
Piers shuddered, pulling the blanket over his head and pretending to sleep.

He heard Raihan come closer.  
„I know you’re not asleep, Piers,“ his boyfriend said.  
  
Piers didn’t answer.  
  
„Aww, come on. Don’t be like that,“ Raihan continued, sitting down on the edge of the couch. He pulled the blanket away. Piers felt even more helpless without it.  
  
„Babe, talk to me,“ Raihan said.  
  
Piers didn’t want to. But he still managed to choke out,  
„H-how was your day?“  
  
Raihan sighed.  
„Could be better. But hey, it’s over and done with, and I’m home~“  
  
Silence.  
Raihan then leaned in for a kiss, and Piers let it happen.  
  
„Hey. You still love me, right?“ Raihan asked.  
  
And Piers nodded.  
Because he did. He loved Raihan, and he didn’t know what to do with these emotions anymore. He wished things could somehow go back to what they used to be. He wished he could be happy with Raihan again. But despite being hurt so much… These feelings didn’t waver at all.  
  
  
  
Raihan kissed him again.  
„I love you too. I always will… _Don’t worry._ “   
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE I DECIDED TO CONTINUE THIS FIC 
> 
> And oh boy did I make my own heart ache writing this new chapter 
> 
> This isn't even horny anymore this is just sad what the fuck 
> 
> TW: Self Harm and Rape.

* * *

  
  
  
He’d completely stopped giving concerts.  
  
The Gym Challenge was coming up, and Piers wasn’t ready for it. It should have been a good thing, because the upcoming Challenge meant that both he and Raihan had to train for it, and that Raihan wasn’t in Spikemuth all the fucking time.  
  
It gave him some alone time, and that should’ve been a good thing.  
  
But it wasn’t.  
He hated being alone.  
He did stupid things when he was alone.  
  
He stared at his legs. There were thin streams of blood all over them. The pain was stinging, burning, but it made him forget about the _other_ kind of pain. The pain in his heart and mind. He didn’t even really feel anything anymore. He just kept slowly dragging the razor over his legs, not even blinking or flinching at the pain. Or crying. He couldn’t cry anymore.  
  
Raihan was going to be angry. He knew that, but he still couldn’t stop. He didn’t know how to deal with it otherwise.

The opening ceremony for the Gym Challenge was tomorrow.  
But he already decided that he wouldn’t go. He wasn’t exactly in a state to show up in public. He wasn’t even sure how he was going to defeat any challengers at all. Or take part in the final tournament. Just thinking about it made him feel sick.  
  
His phone was buzzing.  
He knew better than to ignore Raihan.  
  
 _„Hey Babe. How are you?“  
_  
Piers swallowed hard.  
„Fine. When… When are you gonna be back?“  
  
 _„Awww! Do you miss me?“_ Raihan asked, laughing, _„Sorry, can’t come back today. But we’ll see each other tomorrow, right?“_  
  
He exhaled shakily.  
„I’m… I’m not going,“ He said.  
  
 _„What?“_  
  
„I can’t go.“  
  
It was quiet for a bit, then Raihan started talking again.  
 _„Did you hurt yourself again?“_  
  
He really tried, but he couldn’t find the courage to answer.  
  
 _„Piers. Answer me, did you hurt yourself again?“_  
  
 _He’s angry.  
He’s going to punish me.  
He’s going to hurt me. _  
  
„I’m… I’m sorry,“ Piers choked out.

_„For fucks sake,“_ Raihan cursed, _„People already can’t keep their mouth shut about our relationship. What am I supposed to tell them?“  
_  
Tears gathered in Piers’ eyes. Raihan truly didn’t care.  
 _  
_„I don’t know…“  
  
 _„Fine, stay home. I’ll be back by tomorrow evening. Don’t leave the apartment.“_

Raihan hung up.  
And Piers was back to staring at his legs. The bathtub was full of blood. At least it would be easy to clean. His mind was blank.  
  
This would be Marnie’s first Gym Challenge. And he wasn’t going to be at the Opening Ceremony. Actually, he hadn’t even seen Marnie in a while. They’d had a fight. Marnie had yelled at him for not sharing his obvious problems, and Piers had yelled at her that they are none of her concern.  
  
He just didn’t want her to worry. He didn’t want anyone to worry.  
  
He wasn’t worth it.

* * *

  
  


The next day, after the Opening Ceremony, it was Marnie who called Piers first.  
Piers had been watching the Ceremony on TV.  
  
„Hey,“ He said once he picked up his phone.  
  
 _„Hey. Where are you? Why weren’t you at the Opening Ceremony?“_ she asked. She was clearly upset.  
  
„I wasn’t feeling well,“ He said.  
  
 _„You haven’t been feeling well for, I don’t know, months!“  
_  
Piers frowned. He didn’t need to hear that from his goddamn little sister.  
  
 _„Seriously, what’s wrong with you? Everyone is asking me why you’re not giving any concerts anymore, or publish new songs, and I can’t give them an answer!“  
_  
„Then tell them to stop asking. Not like my problems are your problems,“ he answered.  
  
 _„Piers, please, will you tell me what’s going on?“_  
  
 _No._  
He hung up without answering.  
  
He was tired. So, so tired. He reached for the painkillers and the glass of water on the table in front of him. How many had he already taken? Who knew. Who cared. He was better off taking them now, so he wouldn’t feel anything anymore once Raihan came home.  
  
His hands were shaking. He almost dropped the glass.  
He let himself fall back on the couch, and fell asleep.  
  
  
He woke up hours later, hearing his own voice. His singing voice.  
He blinked, confused and sleepy. His vision was blurry.  
  
Raihan was there. He was sitting next to him on the couch. Was he… watching one of his music videos?  
  
„Rai?“ Piers asked quietly.  
  
But Raihan didn’t answer, didn’t even look at him.  
  
Piers shivered.  
„Please, Rai, I’m sorry, I really am,“ He choked out.  
  
Raihan sighed. He turned the music off, putting his phone on the table.  
  
„Say something,“ Piers begged.  
  
 _Do something._  
 _Hurt me if you want._  
 _Just don’t be quiet like this._  
  
„Why don’t you sing anymore?“ Raihan asked.  
  
Piers was taken aback. Wasn’t it obvious?  
  
„I… I can’t,“ He simply answered.  
  
„Why?“ Raihan asked again.  
  
Piers swallowed hard.  
How was he supposed to answer this?  
What was the reason he wasn’t singing anymore, the real reason?  
It wasn’t just because he was depressed. He’d been depressed way before he even got together with Raihan, and writing songs had helped him back then.  
  
So why not now?  
  
He stared at the ground.  
„Because I can’t think of any words to sing. I can’t come up with new lyrics. I don’t want to… hear my own voice anymore.“  
  
Why would Raihan care?  
  
„Am I really that horrible?“  
  
Piers flinched.  
„N-no.“  
  
„Stop lying,“ Raihan said, frowning, „I’ve really had it with your bullshit.“  
  
Piers exhaled shakily.  
„What am I supposed to say?“ He asked.  
  
„Do you still love me?“  
  
Piers felt sick. He wanted to cry. Not because he didn’t love Raihan.  
No, he did, and that’s what made his stomach turn.  
  
„I do,“ he choked out, „I love you. I just w-wish you’d stop hurting me.“  
  
„You’re hurting _yourself_ ,“ Raihan hissed, „When are you going to stop that shit?“

Piers tensed. Raihan was getting angry.  
 _Nowhere to run.  
No way out.  
Nothing… _  
  
„Answer me, goddamnit! Stop spacing out!“ Raihan yelled.  
  
Piers was close to a panic attack. He stared at the couch, breathing heavily.  
„P-please…“  
  
„Please _what_? That’s all you ever fucking say. I’m tired of it!“  
Raihan had gotten up from the couch. He was getting louder.  
  
Piers couldn’t breathe.  
Scared. He was so, so scared.  
He wanted to scream, but not a single sound left his throat.  
He couldn’t move.

  
Raihan moved closer. He cupped his face with both hands and kissed him. Piers knew exactly how things would go on. He’d been through it… too many times. He didn’t want to have sex. Not with Raihan, not with anyone.  
  
„Why aren’t you returning the kiss?“ Raihan asked, frowning.  
  
Piers couldn’t answer. If he said ‚sorry‘, it would make Raihan angry. If he said anything else, it would make Raihan angry. And if he said nothing at all, it would make him angry as well.  
  
Raihan hit him across his face.  
Piers head flew to the other side.  
He sobbed quietly.  
  
„I love you. I love you, Piers. Why don’t you fucking love me, too? Why do you keep hurting yourself? You’re hurting _me_ by doing that!“ Raihan yelled at him, a desperate tone to his voice.  
  
It was moments like this when Piers noticed that Raihan’s feelings were genuine. That while he was absolutely out of his mind and unable to control his anger, he really did love him. It wasn’t the first time he had this thought — Raihan needed help as much as he did.  
  
Raihan kissed him again. He started to feel him up, but Piers wasn’t responding at all. He simply let it happen. He’d taken too many painkillers earlier to still feel anything. His vision got blurry again. He didn’t know whether it was from tears, or if he was just spacing out. All he noticed was that Raihan got angrier with every passing second.  
  
He barely reacted to Raihan undressing him.  
  
And neither did he when his boyfriend started fucking him.  
  
It was messy, it was rough. But Raihan could as well have fucked a lifeless doll. Piers had no idea how much time passed until Raihan was done, but something briefly snapped him out of his blank state.  
  
Raihan had stopped. And he was crying. Tears were falling down on Piers’ bare chest, one after another.  
  
„Piers… please… I’m sorry, please say something…“ Raihan choked out.  
  
But Piers still couldn’t.

It wasn’t the first time this happened.  
It wasn’t the first time Raihan apologized to him.  
  
Raihan exhaled shakily. He stared at Piers’ legs, full of thin scars. Touched them gently.  
  
„Please talk to me…“ He tried again.

Piers couldn’t talk.  
Instead, barely able to move, he gently pulled Raihan in for another kiss. He didn’t want his apologies. He didn’t want to hear it. He was worthless, and if being a whore to Raihan was the only thing he was good for, then he wanted to do at least that.

They kissed until they could both barely breathe anymore.  
When they stopped, Piers’ eyes looked just as dead as before.  
  
„I’m sorry,“ Raihan said again, „I’m sorry. Please, Piers, I’m so sorry. I want to hear you sing again. I— I want the Piers back that I fell in love with.“  
  
  
 _But you’re the one who broke him._  
  
  
Finally, Raihan gave up. He left Piers alone, covering him in a blanket. Piers could hear Raihan closing the bedroom door behind him. And he could hear faint music, his own voice singing about things he couldn’t even understand anymore.

* * *

Both of them refused to get up for a long time that next day.  
  
Hours passed, and the bedroom door stayed closed. Hours passed, and Piers was still trying to force himself to stay asleep on the couch. He just wanted to sleep forever. Being awake was painful. He was still naked, just covered in the blanket.   
  
Everything was quiet, too. No music, no TV running. nothing. The entire day.  
  
It wasn’t until sometime late afternoon that Piers heard Raihan open the door to the bedroom. He didn’t react. Didn’t flinch. Didn’t move at all. What was the point.  
  
Raihan came closer. For a while, he seemed unsure about what to do, but then he sat down on the couch Piers was still lying on. He had his phone in his hands and was scrolling endlessly. Kept quiet. He was obviously nervous.  
  
It felt like forever until one of them talked, and it was Raihan.  
  
„I’m not letting you go,“ He choked out, „I know you want me to. But I can’t.“

Piers only tensed a little. That was all. He didn’t have the energy for a stronger reaction.  
 _Get yourself together._  
 _Move._  
 _Talk._  
 _Get up!_  
  
He took a shaky breath.  
„This is… not good for either of us. You— You know that,“ he managed to say, and it took all of the courage he had left.  
  
„I don’t care,“ Raihan answered.  
  
Piers huffed out a laugh.  
„I know you don’t.“  
  
„I— I love you. Why can’t we go b-back to how things were at the start?“ Raihan asked.  
  
It was almost adorable how genuine it was. Raihan truly, genuinely didn’t understand what the problem was. He didn’t get that he was the one at fault.  
  
Piers slowly moved into an upright position, not letting go of the blanket however.   
„You know why. You just don’t want to hear it,“ he said.  
  
Raihan shivered.  
„I don’t— I don’t want to be like this,“ he said, breathing heavily, „I don’t want to hurt you— I… I don’t know why I keep doing it…“  
  
As if that’d heal any of Piers’ wounds.  
  
 _Get help.  
Break up with me.  
Leave.  
Get help._  
  
That’s what Piers wanted to say, needed to say, but the words were stuck in his throat. He needed help, too. Help to get out of this relationship, and help to find a reason to live again. But his heart told him different things. His heart still wanted to be with Raihan. To overcome these problems together. His naive, fragile heart told him that Raihan wasn’t a bad person, and that he couldn’t just leave him like that.

This entire situation was fucked up.  
And he didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to take it.   
  
  
  


* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck I was listening to Majiko's cover of "Kokoronashi" during writing this whole chapter like just this song on endless repeat and I nearly cried writing my own fanfic BYE !!!!! I'M SAD !!!!!!!!
> 
> YES THIS IS THE FINAL CHAPTER. NO MORE.

* * *

Things went on, and on, and on.  
Piers was terribly used to it by now.  
  
Nothing changed.  
  
And while some people - like Marnie - noticed, Piers was absolutely unable to talk about it.  
He’d rather jump off a cliff than talk about it to anyone at all.  
  
Nothing happened, and nothing changed, until one fateful night.  
  
They were about to leave for Leon’s private birthday party they were both invited to. Well, Piers usually wasn’t _really_ invited, he was just invited because Raihan was. But Leon actually _did_ take the time to properly invite him as well.  
  
He didn’t really have an excuse or reason not to go. Raihan wanted him to come along, as always, because he was paranoid that Piers would cheat on him whenever he left him alone.  
  
They would stay in an Inn in Wyndon and get back home the following day. But Piers knew that not being in his or Raihan’s apartment didn’t mean that he’d be safe. Raihan drinking was dangerous no matter _where_ they were, as long as they were alone.

„Piers?“  
  
Piers blinked.  
„W-what?“  
  
„I said you’re gonna need a coat, it’s cold,“ Raihan said.  
  
„Oh.“  
  
Piers hadn’t heard him at all. He was too lost in thoughts.  
  
„What’s wrong, babe?“ Raihan asked.  
  
„N-nothing,“ Piers lied.  
Raihan side-eyed him, but said nothing.

* * *

The party was, as far as Piers was concerned, pretty fun.  
He didn’t exactly _like_ being at parties, but this one was okay. It was at Leon’s place, which was big enough for him to host a party like that. Friends of Leon were usually very nice people that he could talk to easily. Not that he talked a lot to anyone, because he was basically only allowed to talk to the same people Raihan was currently talking to.  
  
But he was nervous. More than once he tried to carefully tell Raihan that he shouldn’t drink that much in such a short time.  
  
Raihan only told him to shut up.  
  
Piers knew exactly where this night would end, and he knew that there was nothing he could do about it.

  
  
„So, how long have you two been together again?“ Sonia asked, leaning back in her seat.  
  
Raihan smiled.  
„About three years now, no?“ He said.

Piers wouldn’t have known the answer.  
Three years?  
It’s been _three years_ already?  
  
„Yeah,“ he just answered, careful not to show any suspicious reaction. He couldn’t drink any alcohol himself, because it would mean a higher risk of slipping up and telling people something they weren’t supposed to know. No, he needed to stay calm and sober. Also to make sure Raihan would get home safely, since Raihan would be anything _but_ sober later.

„Wow! I, uh, don’t think any of my relationships ever lasted that long. Hahah,“ Sonia laughed, taking a sip from her drink.  
  
Piers didn’t say anything, mostly because he didn’t know what to say, but also because he usually only talked when Raihan directly gave him a sign to join the conversation, or asked him something.

„By the way, Piers, why weren’t you at the opening ceremony this year? You weren’t in the final tournament either,“ she suddenly asked.  
  
Piers did his best not to flinch.  
  
 _Don’t slip up.  
Smile. _  
  
He faked his best smile and said,  
„Wasn’t feeling well. But I’m okay, no worries.“

  
But despite everything, Sonia looked slightly concerned. Piers was nervous. He could feel his anxiety rise from one second to another. Sonia needed to stop asking questions.  
  
But it wasn’t just her.  
Everyone they were talking to was asking these same questions. It made Piers wish he would’ve just gone to the stupid opening ceremony and final tournament, just so they would stop. It was slowly getting too much.

  
  
A few hours into the night, when Raihan excused himself to the bathroom, someone tipped Piers on the shoulder from behind, making him flinch. It was Leon, smiling at him.  
„Hey. You enjoying the party?“ He asked.  
  
Piers just nodded.  
„Sure. Thanks for inviting me,“ he answered.  
  
„Did you really want to be here, though?“ Leon suddenly asked, and Piers was taken aback.  
  
„I… What’s that supposed to mean?“  
  
„You can be honest if Raihan is just like, forcing you to come along. I’m sorry if that’s a rude thing to say, but you look a little sick,“ Leon explained.  
  
Piers could feel his heart beat way too loud. He was alone. He could tell Leon the truth and Raihan wouldn’t know. But no— No, he couldn’t do that. There was no way of telling if Leon would act on it somehow. Confront Raihan about it even. That would be the worst.  
  
„Hah,“ Piers said, faking another smile, „That’s what I always look like. Y’know. Gotta keep up that tired edgy rockstar image.“  
  
Leon looked concerned. But, thank god, he stopped asking.  
„If you say so.“

  
  
„What am I missing out on here?“ Raihan asked as he returned from the bathroom, putting a hand on Piers hips and pulling him closer.

That’s when Piers couldn’t help but flinch, and he prayed to every god there was that Leon didn’t notice. He couldn’t help it — Raihan was clearly trying to show Leon who he belonged to, and that could only mean Raihan was assuming the worst about the conversation they just had.

„Not much,“ Leon said, „We were talking about the final tournament.“  
  
Piers eyes widened, if just a little. Why was Leon lying?  
  
„Oh yeah! You mean when you kicked my ass again, huh?“ Raihan said, laughing, „Fun times.“  
  
Raihan, unnoticeable for anyone else, pinched Piers’ waist a little.  
Piers knew what it meant.

  
  
„Hey,“ Piers said, „Sorry to interrupt, but I’d like to go for a smoke.“

„Ah, sure thing babe. I’ll come along. See you in a few, Leon!“ Raihan said.

Piers shivered a little. Leaving the apartment with Raihan didn’t feel like something that happened within a minute. It felt like a long, long hour. He knew Raihan was angry. He wasn’t supposed to talk to Leon, at all. For some reason, Raihan always got most jealous about Leon, even if there was absolutely no reason.

  
As soon as they were outside, Raihan’s expression changed.

„I thought I’ve— I’ve made myself _clear_ when it comes to Leon,“ he said, voice dangerously low, „What did you two _really_ talk about?“  
  
Piers stared at the ground.  
„He— He asked me if I’m okay. Just like everyone else did,“ he said quietly.  
  
„Why the fuck did he lie to me just now, then?“ Raihan kept asking.  
  
„I don’t know! Please, I just—“

  
  
He couldn’t finish his sentence, because Raihan slapped him. It hurt, but he didn’t dare to make any noise. Someone could hear.  
  
Still, he stared at his boyfriend in disbelief, because never before had he hit him outside their own four walls.  
  
„Rai— don’t, please…“  
  
„Shut— Shut the fuck up. If we go back in there, you’re not even gonna _look_ at Leon again. You get that, you stupid whore?“

Piers nodded frantically, but that was the wrong answer.  
  
Raihan slapped him again.  
  
„I asked if you fucking _get that!_ “ Raihan said, almost a little too loud.  
  
„Yes! Yes, I get it, please—“

„That’s enough.“  
  
Both of them froze. Raihan immediately let go of Piers. Leon stepped outside, and Piers couldn’t help but panic. How much did Leon hear, or see even?

„What part of ‚See you in a few‘ did you not understand?“ Raihan spat out.  
  
„I understood that part very well,“ Leon said, a warning tone to his voice, „That’s why I followed. And I’ve seen enough. You’re abusing him, as many of us have already suspected. I’m going to—“  
  
„Don’t!“ Piers interrupted him, „Please don’t— Don’t call the police. Whatever you do, just don’t do that, please, I’m begging you, I—“  
He was close to tears.  
This was the last fucking thing he wanted to happen. He didn’t want to explain what happened to him. He didn’t want to explain the past three fucking years. And he didn’t want Raihan to suffer from the consequences, either.  
  
He started shaking a little as breathing became harder with every second.  
  
„I’m okay, really, Leon I’m okay, just don’t—“  
  
„Okay then,“ Leon said, swallowing hard for a moment, but then he went on, „This is _my_ apartment. Raihan, I’m asking you to leave. Right now.“

„Piers will come with me,“ Raihan answered quietly.  
  
„He won’t,“ Leon said.  
  
„That’s _his_ decision, not yours.“

Leon frowned.  
„Yeah. It’s _his_ decision. But you’re making it sound like it’s yours.“

Piers was frozen in place. He didn’t know what to say, or what to do. His cheeks still hurt from Raihan hitting him. His boyfriend turned around to stare at him. That same look that always, immediately, would make Piers give in and do whatever the hell Raihan was asking him to do.  
  
„I— I’ll go w-with—“ He wanted to say, but couldn’t finish the sentence.  
  
„Piers,“ Leon said, his voice soft and full of concern, „I won’t call the police. I promise. I understand why you wouldn’t want that, okay? But please stay here. You can stay the night. It’s okay.“  
  
But how would that help him? Eventually, he would have to go back to Raihan, right?  
  
„I…“  
  
  
He could barely breathe anymore. His anxiety was skyrocketing. Tears gathered in his eyes. In his mind, he went with Raihan. He knew what would happen. Or maybe he didn’t. Because this was an absolute worst case. This was someone finding out about the abuse, something he’d been supposed to avoid. This was a reason for Raihan to punish him harder than ever before.  
  
Raihan would break him for good this time.  
  
  
„I’ll… I’ll s-stay here.“  
  
  
Raihan gritted his teeth.  
„You don’t want that,“ he said, and Leon was horrified at the clear warning tone in his friends voice - a tone that said: _You’re gonna regret this._  
  
„Doesn’t matter,“ Leon quickly said before Piers could change his mind, „He’s staying. Now leave. Don’t fucking come back. To be honest, I don’t really want to see you again any time soon.“  
Once he’d said that, he gently put a hand on Piers’ shoulder, who flinched really hard, but went along with Leon. Back inside the apartment, leaving Raihan outside.  
  
Leon locked the door once they were inside again.  
  
  
Piers stared at the floor.  
He was crying without making any noise.  
  
A deep sigh from Leon.  
„I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Piers. I want to help you, okay?“  
  
„H-he’s… He’s going to k-kill me…“ Piers sobbed quietly.  
  
Leon didn’t even know how to answer that. They had all seen the signs. He’d heard about Piers’ bad mental state for the first time from Hop, who’d been talking to Piers’ sister. And he’d refused to suspect Raihan at first. Raihan was one of his best friends, for fucks sake. Leon himself felt like crying right now, too. But this wasn’t about him.  
  
He needed to help Piers.  
„Let’s go upstairs. No one has to see you like this,“ Leon said.  
  
Piers didn’t react in any way, but he followed Leon.  
  
Leon had a guest room. That’s where they went. Once they were there, Piers started crying even harder, now less afraid that anyone else could see him. Leon would have hugged him, but it honestly looked like Piers might break into pieces if he did that.

„Look… People are gonna be even more suspicious if I don’t go back down there. I’ll tell them that you left with Raihan, and that I don’t know why,“ Leon said, „The key for this room is over there. Lock yourself if it makes you feel safer, alright?“  
  
Piers nodded slowly.  
He couldn’t say anything.  
It was all stuck in his throat.  
  
Leon swallowed hard. He kinda wished he could do more.  
„I… I’ll check on you in the morning, then? And if you need anything you’ll text me?“  
  
Again, Piers simply nodded.

„Alright.“

* * *

Piers couldn’t sleep at all.  
  
He’s been dependent on sleeping meds for a whole while, so it really wasn’t a surprise. He was shaking. He was _itching_ to hurt himself. Maybe do worse, even. The grip on the phone in his hand tightened as he looked at all the messages from Raihan that had come right after he’d left.

  
  
_„You’re gonna regret this“_   
  
_„I hope you’re fucking happy with what you did“_   
  
_„Just kill yourself if being with me is that horrible“_   
  


That last one made Piers burst into tears again. He couldn’t answer. He didn’t dare to. He knew that this was it, he was done for. Did he really have to go to the police after all?  
  
He didn’t want to. He didn’t hate Raihan, at all. He didn’t want Raihan to face the consequences, whether he deserved it or not. He also didn’t want any of this to go public, but with both of them being Gym Leaders, and if Raihan were to suddenly face charges — It wouldn’t be avoidable.  
  
Everyone would immediately know.  
  


Something was off, however. Piers kinda expected Raihan to bomb him with messages the whole goddamn night. But actually, it already stopped about half an hour after he was gone.  
  
Piers kept staring at his phone over and over again until the morning, but there were no more messages. That’s when he couldn’t bear it anymore and tried to call him. But Raihan didn’t pick up.  
  
  
Much earlier than expected, around 9 am, Leon knocked on the door.  
„Piers? You awake?“ He heard Leon’s voice from outside.  
  
It was hard to get up at all, but he had to do it. He’d actually locked the door, so he took the key and slowly unlocked, opening it. He couldn’t look at Leon.

„Are— Are you okay? As okay as you can be?“ Leon asked.  
  
Piers tensed a little.  
„Rai— Raihan… I tried to call him, he didn’t pick up, I’m…“

  
  
Leon inhaled sharply.  
„Right— I— I didn’t give you the Wi-fi password. Fuck.“  
  
Piers didn’t understand what Leon meant, at all.  
  
„I need you to stay calm, okay?“ Leon said, „It’s all over the news. Raihan was hit by a car. He’s alive, please don’t freak out. He’s in the hospital right now.“  
  
Piers eyes widened.  
He immediately started trembling heavily, but he couldn’t even cry anymore, there were just no tears left. The only thing he could do was throw his own arms around himself and focus on breathing properly.  
  
„I’m sorry, Piers— I’m…“  
  
„N-No one asked you to help!“ Piers suddenly said, even though he felt like he was barely able to form a sentence, „Why did you interfere?! This wouldn’t have happened if I’d have gone with Raihan, this is— This is my fault, I’m—“

„It’s not! Piers, please, I just want to help you and—“  
  
„I DIDN’T ASK YOU TO!“ Piers yelled at him.  
  
Leon was taken aback for a second.  
But then Piers broke down crying, falling to his knees.  
  
„I didn’t… ask you… to…“ He sobbed.  
  
  
Leon didn’t know what to say.  
  
  


* * *

Piers did not visit Raihan in hospital.  
  
Leon actually managed to convince him that he shouldn’t do it. That he needed to get out of this abusive circle, and that he needed to stop excusing Raihan’s actions. Piers agreed to it, but only when Leon would promise him once again to not call the police, no matter what. And not tell anyone else.

He couldn’t, not yet. He couldn’t just ‚stop‘ from one day to another.  
  
Raihan didn’t message or call him. Piers was worried sick. He didn’t want to be worried, but it didn’t fucking change his feelings.

He was back in his apartment. Leon kept telling him to text or call him whenever he needed something, but he didn’t need anything. Except therapy maybe.  
  
He didn’t go outside, at all.  
He kept ordering food so he wouldn’t have to leave. He hurt himself again. Many times. He kept looking at his phone to see if Raihan would call or text.  
  
Most of the time, he just slept.  
  
He took more and more of his sleeping meds just so he wouldn’t have to be awake, not knowing what to do. Whenever he woke up, he just checked whether there was a life sign from Raihan, and when there was nothing, he went back to sleep.

He didn’t notice time go by.  
He ignored everyone else that tried to call or text him.  
He wanted to talk to Raihan.  
  
At some point, who even knew how many days had passed - or weeks maybe - he opened the door for a delivery guy to get the food he ordered for that day. That’s when he noticed a letter on the floor. He stared at it.  
  
Swallowing hard, he picked it up. There wasn’t anything written on the envelope. So it wasn’t regular mail - Someone had left it here.  
  
He sat down on the couch and opened it.

* * *

  
  
_Piers,  
  
I’m sorry. I’m honestly, truly sorry, and this time for real.  
I’ve hurt you, so many times, for such a long time.  
I am not asking you to forgive me, all I’m trying to tell you is that you deserve better, and that I want you to live a better life from now on, without me. I hate myself so much for what I’ve done. But that’s no excuse._

_I want you to know that I’ll be retreating from my position as a Gym Leader, so you won’t have to see me around anymore. I’ve been playing with the idea of leaving the region even, I don’t know about that yet. But you don’t have to be scared to see me again. You won’t.  
  
I want you to be happy. I know that I’m the one at fault, that I’m the reason you can’t be happy. But if there’s just a small possibility of bringing back the ‚you‘ that I fell in love with, not for me, but for everyone else - Then I wish for that.  
  
Again, don’t forgive me, please don’t - but I’m sorry.  
  
\- Raihan_

* * *

Piers never cried harder. He didn’t just cry. He outright screamed. There was too much pain in his chest to deal with anymore, so he didn’t see any other way than to scream. He cried for what felt like hours. He couldn’t even tell what exactly it was that he was crying about, he could only tell that he was desperate and hurt.  
  
Wasn’t this a good thing?  
Shouldn’t he be glad?  
  
 _  
If there’s just a small possibility of bringing back the ‚you‘ that I fell in love with, not for me, but for everyone else - Then I wish for that._  
  
  
He had trouble breathing and was still in tears, but he reached for his phone.  
He was shaking, waiting for the other person to pick up their phone.  
  
 _„Piers…?“_  
  
Words were stuck in his throat.  
But he forced them out.

  
  
„M-Marnie, I’m sorry. Please help me.“

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like I should say something about this ending... 
> 
> I am most definitely not trying to justify what Raihan did, I was just trying to go with a realistic portrayal. It's a sad truth that most rapists don't end up in jail bc their victims excuse their actions. 
> 
> Abusive relationships fuck with your head. Many victims search the blame on themselves rather than to blame their abuser for anything, and often victims are also blinded by their own affection for the abuser. I was simply trying to portray that.
> 
> So yeah, sorry that I'm kinda letting Raihan off the hook, he does NOT deserve this ending at all, but what kind of ending I want for my fic personally is more important than what "a character deserves". Bc fictional characters don't have rights.


End file.
